#mouthwashing game rant

[re-ikrmso]

unfortunately my mentql health has went down the drain bc i projected too hard onto curly from the hit game mouthwashing. there js prob smth wrong with me but

mfw i see people saying curly is as bad as jimmy, was malicious, deserved his fate, wished anya poured mouthwash onto him, didn’t try to do anything, was going to cover it up (curly was a horribly realistic character just like the rest of the cast and i viewed his actions as too little, too late, people’s timelines of the vents vary but i give curly a lot of leniency bc i’m lowkey a curly and the situation was cut short because the ship crashed and it was a management crisis and a half. “oh i would kill jimmy” easy for you to say bozo):

[tiredaf23]

((TW: RAPE))

Everyone's saying how Mouthwashing made them feel sick and I'm just..

You guys know that's the point, right???? The entire game is a literal and metaphorical take on rape. Curly is obviously supposed to be a metaphor for Anya's baby, it's heavily implied that Jimmy also assaulted Daisuke from the way he forced Daisuke to go into the vents, which ultimately resulted in him being hurt. And you can hear Jimmy physically assaulting (we don't know if it's sexually or just physically) Curly after giving him his meds.

His whole game is SUPPOSED to make you sick. It's supposed to have the characters feel like real people. You're not supposed to like Jimmy. You're supposed to be neutral or at least sympathetic to Curly. You're supposed to want to save Anya, Swansea, and Daisuke. That's the game!!!

The whole "Take responsibility" thing is also targeted at US, the PLAYER. We as humans do fucked up shit. It's inevitable.

And I'm not putting anyone's feelings down, trust me, it's just infuriating to me that people blatenly play a game that supposed to make you feel sick to the stomach and critique it for doing just that.

Just a rant, I'm sick of people either infantilzing Curly or making him out to be the 100% bad guy, then turn around saying how the game made them feel sick. Like, that's the point.

[risetherivermoon]

i dont really like it when people dumb down Curly's characterization to just the guy enabling Jimmy. I get that that makes it easier to not like him, so that's why a lot of people do that, because they feel guilty about sympathizing with someone who's done smth fucked up like that, but i really don't think it's giving Curly the justice he deserves.

regardless of if you like him as a person or not, Curly is still a victim and he suffered greatly at Jimmy's hand. Just because he did something fucked up doesn't make him a 'monster' (sorry because i saw someone say that he looks like a monster post-crash and thats sticking with me because why TF are we saying disabled burn victims look like LITERAL MONSTERS- yall use some common sense I BEG)

Dumbing down characters is what fandom does best, but i think it particularly irks me in Mouthwashing because of the nature of the story. Jimmy already thinks of the rest of the crew poorly and doesn't see them for how they really are, we don't need to be doing that too.

I also feel like people don't really recognize the fact Jimmy manipulates and abuses Curly too, even before the crash. What Curly did was fucked up but for the love, don't dumb him down to just this one thing he did.

[giglio-nero-e-bianco]

I'm not that much into the mouthwashing fandom, but I find it kinda funny that the only JimCurly shippers I've seen at this point always fall in one of these two categories

And honestly, my take on the ship falls exactly in-between

Like, yeah, Jimmy IS an abuser towards Curly now that he can't defend himself, he takes his frustration out on him, he mutilates him, he feeds him his own goddam leg, Curly is a victim of Jimmy

But saying that Curly is 100% innocent here is not quite right, Curly always seemed to forgive what Jimmy did and was a total enabler to his actions, not wanting to take sides when problems came up but subconsciously taking Jimmy's side, as seen when Anya asked for help

Anya told Curly of what he did to her but we never see Curly actually confront Jimmy on what he did, he only tells her "we'll go to him together", ok? You can still talk to him about it by yourself?? and when he does talk to him directly it's more like "sorry that happened, how does that make you feel?"

So JimCurly is kinda like "yeah, you kinda half brought this upon yourself by not stopping the monster before it finished opening it's mouth and now everyone is paying for it, including you"

Don't kill me, this is my own interpretation of the ship 👐

I still prefer Jimmy pretty much dead and the rest of the crew happy and alive, even Curly for that matter

[adripakoffee]

I don't post on here often and by that I mean I'm on here once a month to look at writing prompts but right now I'm thinking of Anya from Mouthwashing, and Tumblr is better for long form posts. Apologies if this rant isn't super clear, I'm on pain meds right now.

CW: S/A, SUICIDE, OVERDOSE, MOUTHWASHING SPOILERS

Anyway, Anya very well may be one of the most doomed characters to ever doom. Firstly she's trapped in a relatively small space ship with 4 men, who she has to keep alive and healthy along with giving them periodic mental wellness checks (which she, herself never gets). Two of these men don't take her seriously at all because she probably doesn't actually have a medical degree and is just someone the company hired to cut corners. If that wasn't all ready awful, the co-captain, Jimmy, has been assaulting her since at least the start of this voyage that's been going on for 100+ days. She falls pregnant because of this and while this isn't where her spiral started, this is where it gets worse. She originally plans to kill herself with the Captain's gun, but decides against it since she can't get to the gun without Curly's help anyway.

Speaking of Curly, he knows what's been going on, she told him about Jimmy a while before the crash. Every time, Curly says "I'll do something about it," or "I'll fix this," but the most he does is keep Jimmy away from Anya when they're working. Anya seems fine with that for the most part because I think she assumes Curly will report Jimmy and have him arrested when they land (he won't, at this point in the game he'd defend Jimmy for anything because "he sees the best in people. He loves to say "our worst moments don't define us" and apparently that extends to r@pe). So at this point, she's biding her time until they land.

Back to the gun, when Curly finds her holed up in the cockpit, she tells him she's pregnant. He's a little taken aback but he tries to reassure her that it's fine and he'll fix the "situation" with Jimmy. He says he can't let her kill herself because he does actually care about her. One of his flaws is he cares about everyone so much he can't imagine compromising one of them for any reason. Anya tells him she wasn't going to hurt herself, though she thought about it, she just hid the gun case so Jimmy couldn't kill her instead. She's so convinced Jimmy just wants to kill and torment her when the sad truth is, he couldn’t care less.

In all of Jimmy's "take responsibility" hallucinations, Anya barely shows up. Swansea, Curly, and Daisuke do, but he can't bring himself to even recognize what's happened to Anya is also solely his fault. He doesn't care at all.

Speaking of which, what seems the straw that breaks the camel's back for Jimmy is Anya telling him that she's pregnant because he crashes the ship pretty sure after. And this really seems like a spur of the moment action because if he'd planned this he could've done it much earlier after the news of the company closing reached them.

Curly says Anya should've waited for him to help her tell Jimmy about the pregnancy, but that doesn't matter because he is put out of commission like (I forgot if it's a day later or the same day) later because he's in the cockpit when the ship crashes.

Now Anya has no hope, Jimmy knows she's pregnant, the seemingly one line of defense she has against him can't leave his bed, and they're stuck in space. She's terrified because not only because of that, but because Jimmy is captain now and because of the way the ship is set up, you need the captain for a lot of things. Jimmy being captain also means if he finds the gun case, he now has the code to open it.

Anya, being the ships medic, is tasked with keeping Curly alive and giving him his meds. It's really difficult for her, A. because Curly is hard to look at, B. because unless he's full of pain meds, he's making noise, and C. because that was her friend and one of the only people she felt safe around and he's been reduced to this. And from her perspective, this is his fault, Curly crashed the ship.

This situation is stressful for everyone, Swansea has reverted back to alcoholism and never drops the ax he has, Daisuke is slowly losing hope and also starts drinking, and Jimmy won't stop yelling at her. He's so pissed at her the entire game, more so than everyone else. She was already scared of him but before there was at least a light at the end of the tunnel. Now there's nothing to look forward to because she doesn't think there's any way out.

She, at some point when he's sober enough, confides in Swansea who then tells her that she's gonna be the one to get out of here. He has the one last working cryo pod set aside for her specifically and refuses to let anyone into the room where it is. Unfortunately, at this point, her anxiety concerning Jimmy is so bad, she's convinced he'd do something to the pod too.

So then Anya locks herself in the med bay with Curly and all the rest of the ships medicine (- minus the Isopropyl which she probably left for Daisuke and Swansea) and overdoses by Curly's bed. Curly was awake the whole time she went through a probably painful death. She also, as maybe a final revenge, took the last of the pain meds that were meant for Curly. And she dies right next to him.

That's where her story ends. She felt so trapped and scared by her r@pist that got her pregnant that she killed herself next to the one person who could've done something, but instead, from her perspective, trapped her with said r@pist.

She died probably hoping that Daisuke or Swansea would make it out, not knowing they died soon after.

TLDR;

So from her perspective: A guy she's been friends with for years starts repeatedly assaulting her and she's stuck with him, then he gets her pregnant. Her other friend who she tells says he'll do something about it (he won't) and she has no choice but to trust him. Then the guy she told crashes the ship they're all on and fails in taking himself out. Now she's trapped with her r@pist and she tells someone else who does actually try to do something but she kills herself instead.

Anyways guys, I'm just missing my wife, the end.

[sabakushusband]

i didn't want to talk about this but oh my god people really love being ableist? im shocked

this video. did we already talk about how ableist this is? all the comments defend the creator and oh my god?? no everyone defending them uses the argument "but its fictional and the crew had little suplements!! thats why they drew him like that!!" pony express didn't give them a fifth cryo thing, do you fr believe they would give them DOG talking buttons? are we really comparing disabled people to PETS? for me, this comment says it all

a GOOD example of helping curly communicate is @/nakakabaliw 's comic, just like the creator of this video, they added angst, and didnt low curly to a animal. im sorry for ruining my blog's mood and throwing this in the tag, but its horrenduous how people see this and defend it

its so frustrating how people are so quick to infantilize and dehumanize disabled people. the video itself doesn't even make sense, as it would be extremely harmful for curly since his nerves are completely eposed and pressing down on them would hurt even more. im sure there are 100other ways the creator could have drawn his idea and not humiliate and dehumanize him like this. the creator ignored disabled people, as far as i know didn't apologize nor took down the video, yet people come with the "the creator is a person too" so are disabled people. its literally specified on the video title, DOG toys!!

so, summary, it doesn't make sense, is very condescending, i found more than 5 disabled people saying its uncomfortable for them.

just because mouthwashing is a horror game doesnt mean you can do horrendous stuff too

[twobellsilence]

You know I think Curlanya is the first pairing I ship where I actually want them to Not Work Out. Like I'm obsessed with the idea of them being this super sweet, if a little secretive, kind-of-but-not-quite couple where they sneak away to be with each other and maybe they give each other a quick peck and hold hands for a bit and they're super excited and giggly about it. Basically they're only just beginning to explore what they feel and they act like school children in love. But then Jimmy assaults Anya, and Curly puts his best friend before her like he does in the narrative, and of course their relationship just... withers, as it should. They keep seeking each other's company, but it is not the same as before despite there still being lingering romantic tension between them, and of course Anya falls out of love with Curly and he doesn't want to let go but he respects her need for space. So their once warm romance dies down, and every interaction is brimming with unspoken heartbreak and betrayal and regret... And then the rest of the game happens. They are so close, being in Medical together pretty much all the time, but so impossibly far at the same time... And Curly can't even apologize to her anymore, only cry when she eventually takes her own life right next to him. Do you understand what I mean. Do you See my Vision

[kirakuudere1]

ANYA from mouth washing !!

Tumblr ruined this so bad omg ( I haven’t played mouthwashing yet but I see so much abt it and I love it, just can’t play )

¥ Art rant under (so scroll by if bored) ¥

I’m very tired of art, sometimes I’m smart, but honestly. My best art is others worst art and I’ve been doing art for so much longer, I can’t help feeling slightly envious, but also want to learn off of them to, I have the passion, I can see colors and know how beautiful, I find every color beautiful, I find all art amazing, yet I can’t capture things right, in every style I lack something but I don’t know what, I think it’s anatomy but I don’t know.

[mouthwashing-biggest-fan]

Jimmy from mouthwashing

Jimmy is so obviously deeply in love with Curly It’s insane. It’s a sick and twisted love that is extremely one sided. Jimmy is shown throughout the entirety of the game having a deep interest and concern for Curly, starting with resentment and then leading him to keep him alive in the end. He was always fascinated with Curly, whether it was hating him for his position, his ability to be “responsible”, or his inability to die. He loved Curly, in all the wrong ways. I don’t think Jimmy knew how to love correctly, seeing from his actions to Ayna, he is cruel and hurtful to those he is supposed to show care to. I think people deny Jimmy’s feelings for Curly that show up throughout the game due to the fact that its (very obviously) a unhealthy, one-sided, fucked up relationship. I understand that, as I don’t support Jimmy’s fucked up actions and view on love at all, however, it doesn't change the fact that, that is how he feels or show he feels. I don’t view this as a “ship”, because from what I heard a ship is two (or more) characters you believe should be together, and that's not what I mean by this at all. I view these two as “toxic yaoi” as their relationship is highly, well, toxic, its sick, fucked up, and completely one-sided. Jimmy loves Curly, that's why he’s the only one he ever talks about, the only one to give him his meds (as Ayna wouldn't), and the one to “save” him (really just keep him alive). He showed the only ounce of remorse and regret towards Curly, he only felt SOMETHING for him. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my rant about Jimmy from Mouthwashing, he's my favorite character and I hate him to death.

[skibdoodles]

i swear to god if mouthwashing turns into a fandom where the characters are misinterpreted and ever other post is about how AxB is a proship even tho NONE of the characters are shippable im gonna lose it. modern day fandom spaces rnt how they used to be when no one gaf

[re-ikrmso]

rant about mouthwashing (game)

mentions/implications of s/a, abuse

saw this art. wont reblog because i dont want to be fucking precieved on there.

“curly didnt care about anya hes so cold” no. he didnt understand the gravity.

ive been a fucking curly . before anyone gets on my case about it, it was not related to SA. and been an anya too. dont say i dont fucking understand.

watched my friends give my…abuser? god. its. i dont know. i still hesitate to call ot any kind of abuse or s/a but it was definitely sexual and against my will. anyways.

watches my community/friendgroup give him a fucking slap on the back. you know what. i .

i cant even get mad at them for it. okay ive also had my fair share of being falsely accused/being framed for smth i didnt do so i have. issues (yeah sorry just one thing after another)

but like. i know. they let them off. with a slap. not because they didn’t care. but because they believed people can do better. Hell, I BELIEVED that it was somehow my fault. that i cohld not stop or convince my abuser to stop. I BELIEVED he couls be and do better. Would you blame me then? I bet people would. people dont like complex situations i fuckin guess. its just,

urgh. i dont think anyone wouldve been better if they were in curly’s shoes and curly fucked up with the situation but a main thing is that. he really just believed in the good of people. “hey, we’re both rational, thinking people. im sure we can sort this out.” but what he forgot was that that same rational thinking person made the choice to hurt others. i just.

“why did curly stay friends with jimmy” because he saw someone in a hard place and he wanted to help. its so. oh my god. curly haters. GET OFF MY FUCKING BLOG. anya haters too.

[totallynotsloughjykk]

I want to make some commentary on the ending of mouthwashing because I think it's mostly overlooked. the symbolism is amazing and the writers nailed it perfectly because it depicts and summarizes what jimmy has done and makes it all crash down on him at the last moment jimmy can no longer tell the difference between real and fake and we're thrown into his hallucinations. firstly, all 4 of the cryopods being intact and untouched in the first delusion symbolizes that the dead members could have been saved - the reason why I think there were only 4 of them, besides the company's neglect, was that they represent their fates. jimmy, the one who shouldn't have even been on the crew and was incredibly underqualified, did not have a cryopod because he shouldn't have been saved but was still the only one presented with the chance to do so I think his decision to not save himself was an amazing move that really outlined his character. in an attempt to maintain his false delusion of being a hero, he ironically still did the worst thing in that scenario. he was only mentally scarred, and putting curly, who had suffered physical injuries that made his life unlivable and that should've simply been put out of his misery long ago (staying alive because jimmy needed something to lash out at in the first place), into the cryopod not only wasted jimmy's life but also brought more suffering upon curly. he would be completely unable to continue a normal life and would probably not be saved if a rescue ship did find them also this is a bit unrelated but I think curly somewhat symbolizes anya's baby. he's completely dependent and helpless, going through terrible pain and suffering with her trying to take care of him. jimmy also mocking her while she's doing it is another painful layer to this

[lloyds-archive]

Just tell me you didn't play the game/watched the gameplay and move ON.

[pink-ys-world]

Mouthwashing rant tw spoilers abt jimmy and curlys 'relationship'

Ok so idk abt here but on tiktok alot of ppl are shipping curly x Jimmy. And personal i get Jimmy's a rapist that doesn't deserve happiness but ik damn well that would not be a happy relationship. Idc eitherway I don't ship them, but literally any edit with the two of them is filled with comments abt how DARE you ship them and this isn't something you make ships abt (with yea I agree it's a horror game and Jimmy's the antagonist.) But you can't tell me you say this scene and didn't have any thoughts.

(Sorry watched it on my tv)

Jimmy is quite literally on his KNEES BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS. This whole scene is just UGHHH like we dont know if Curly would or could actually say this stuff, that he'd still play the villian in Jimmys fantasy, or if it's just Jimmys perception.

And let's not forget the scene where they were in the cockpit and shared their deepest concerns with eachother gay asf.

So like i

The ships not coming out of nowhere yk.

Now, personally, I see this scene in the photo above to depict their relationship very well, as Curly bring Jimmys adol, his so-called end goal. A higher power (quite litteraly with Curlys position as captain) to repent to. Constantly, he envys Curys position and wants it for himself, saying "your the highest ring on the ladder." Going as far as taking his title as soon as he's incapable and constantly correcting the crew when they don't acknowledge his just gained power. Aswhile Jimmy is jealous of his character, Curly always "takes care of it" and takes "responsibility" (at least in Jimmiys eyes), so he tries to replicate it. I believe that his final act of 'saving' Curly was him accepting that he can't be the 'hero' or captian that Curly is.

Jimmys a horrible fucking person (obviously i dont know why i have to state that ik he is) but this whole game is a look into his fucked up mind and to break it apart is to break him apart.

Anyway, thanks if you actually read this. If u have any thoughts, I'd like to know about them ^^. Also, poor Anya having to pay the price for these mens egos and issues.

Tldr. Jimmy wants to BE Curly, not inside him.

[adripakoffee]

Thinking about Curly too because you mfs give him too much leeway!!! FUCK CURLY MAN!!

So like, obviously, what happened to him was tragic but he could've prevented the events of the game so easily. Firstly, he's the one who got Jimmy on the ship. Jimmy's not supposed to be there, he literally isn't even a freighter pilot. It's heavily implied the reason Jimmy is on the ship is that Curly was helping him run from the law.

This exhibits Curly's biggest problem in the game. He's Jimmy's friend first and his boss second. He puts Jimmy ahead of everything, so despite his past history of what we can presume to be violence, he puts him on a small ship with other people who are now vulnerable to his abuse. And he knows, he's aware that there's a chance these people could be victimized by Jimmy and says and does nothing. This next part is my personal theory, but I think he knew Daisuke was coming with them before he invited Jimmy, he just didn't say anything.

Curly's second big sin is what he does to Anya. He finds out what Jimmy's been doing to her and he says he'll do something, anything. But he doesn't. I said it earlier, but I think Anya thought that Curly would have Jim arrested on landing, but even then, there's some short term things he could've done. Here's a list actually because oh my god, there's so much he could have done.

Set up a bed for Anya in medical. Y'know, a door with an actual lock.

Put Jimmy in a cryopod as a holding cell.

Fire Jimmy, which seemingly wouldn't do much until you remember you need the captain to do half the shit on the ship.

Lockdown Jimmy, essentially lock down anything Jimmy could use as a weapon. The only two weapons on the ship are guarded by codes, but anyone could figure them out in a couple days. this goes hand in hand with the last one.

Literally just fucking kill him.

And before someone says "Oh, if Curly did anything, Jimmy would've acted out, he would've turned violent anyway." There are four other crew members and one Jimmy. If Jimmy had turned violent so early on, I fully believe Daisuke could've just bodied him. It wouldn't be that hard to pacify him if, say, he was ganged up on by three men.

The problem at the end of the day is that Curly is Curly, Jimmy's best friend before he's Captain Curly of the Tulpar. He cares more about Jimmy than the well-being of the people he's supposed to care about. He doesn't take Jimmy seriously when he is outwardly awful and pretty much straight up tells Curly he's gonna crash the ship. Like Curly does nothing because he doesn't think of Jimmy as a bad person. He can't even comprehend it until he's in a position where he's completely at Jimmy's mercy.

Now there's a couple of interpretations on the metaphor of what Curly's disability means and I'm gonna yap about at least 2, idk I'm just ranting.

The first one is that Curly is now Anya, or rather in her position. He's got no agency over his own body, he literally can't move, and he's forced to trust Jimmy with his life. He's in constant pain, he wants to die, and he can't. Anya cannot stand giving Curly his medicine so she lets Jimmy do it. She's putting a vulnerable person at Jimmy's mercy, just like Curly did, except this time he's on the receiving end. And whenever it's just Curly and Jimmy alone in the med bay, Jim is just beating the shit out of this guy for no reason. Like there is no need to be doing all that, but Jimmy is a violent person, and Curly just ignored it for too long.

The second interpretation that I also really like it that Curly is Anya's baby. Jimmy has done something heinous and it's left Anya caring for someone she can't feasibly support. Her ability to keep Curly alive for so long is a testament to how resilient and determined she is, but at the end of the day she can't take it. It's not just the fact that she has to care for Curly that drives her to take her life, it was a lot of things, but the stress of dealing with Curly was definitely part of that.

This next part isn't Curly's fault, it's Pony Express' but if he survives long enough to be found, he no longer has a future. He can't be a pilot anymore, he'll more than likely be forced to take responsibility for the deaths of the crew, the rehab process will take years and probably hundreds of thousands of dollars. He's cooked. This leans into the him becoming Anya thing, he's been put in a position where he can't work but is forced to deal with a heavy financial burden. The difference is, this is his own fault.

He could've prevented all of this if he hadn't ignored all the red flags. In the dead pixel scene he says the one pixel doesn't hinder his enjoyment of the whole image, he can ignore it. That's what he did. When he looks a the bigger picture or the grand scheme of things he can ignore a few dead pixels. The way he sees it, he's given Jimmy a whole year to pull himself out of a "struggle" so when he gets back to Earth things will be okay again. In his eyes, Jimmy's bound to have a few slip-ups and unfortunately, what he did to Anya was one of them. So that's just a pixel he can ignore.

LONG STORY SHORT, CURLY IS AN ENABLER AND LITERALLY THE ONLY WAY HE WAS GONNA LEARN WAS IF HE BECAME A VICTIM TOO!!!!

Apologies if any of this is worded weird, it's just brain vomit.

I also did an Anya rant

[twobellsilence]

On Jimmy's cannibalization of Curly

Because this game gave me brain worms I found myself thinking way too hard about the second birthday party scene. Specifically, why Jimmy cuts off a chunk of Curly's leg and not only eats it, but also forces Curly to do the same, and what this says about him and his relationship with the captain.

Jimmy frames this as a matter of survival, but that's not really the case. "Judgement" happens 3 months after Daisuke states there's food left for around 4 months, meaning they'd still have resources left for a little while; still, let's entertain the thought, as I've seen people theorize that this potential lack of food is what ultimately pushed Anya over the edge (which I don't necessarily agree with, but it seems to be a relatively common interpretation), and suppose Dai overestimated the amount of food they had or they all simply mismanaged it and they really had nothing left when Jim set up the party. That still leaves him with other three corpses - Anya, Swansea and Daisuke - to chop up and consume without endangering Curly.

You could argue Anya's body is tainted by the meds she OD's on, and that Swansea's is too saturated with alcohol, and that makes sense. Daisuke, however, presumably quit drinking mouthwash two months before the end of the game if we were to take his "I don't want to look at this stuff anymore" line at face value and consider the fact that he was sober when the vent incident happened, meaning his flesh would be clean for consumption. But Jimmy still decides to mutilate curly, even risking him bleeding out, and at that point his "survival" argument falls apart pretty quickly. It isn't just survival - it never was.

See, to Jim, Curly is not a man but an idol, a symbol. He is simultaneously a source of hatred and adoration from him; he has everything he's ever wanted, is everything he aspires to be, and he despises him not only for being better than him, but also for being willing to throw his status away just because he doesn't feel like it's quite right for him, as if said status - the one Jimmy desperately wants to reach but can't, he simply can't - didn't mean anything, at least from Jim's perspective. He thought he could finally reach this level after Curly became disabled, but he quickly found out it was more than he bargained for, and even after reassuring Curly that he's a good captain - something he'd only ever mentioned as a jab, never as something positive - and being willing to give him the title back, that resentment lingered, because even in his current state Curly was better than Jimmy could ever hope to be, and at that point he'd ran out of ways to prove himself he could be superior.

I think this is why he decides to cut off Curly's leg. Yes, it is most certainly a form of punishment - to reduce him to livestock, to a mere tool for the survival of the crew, a parallel to his role as the captain where his blood, sweat and tears kept the cogs in the machine working. But it isn't simply because he wants Curly to suffer, he already did so with the crash and agreeing to keep him alive. Eating Curly's leg is, in a twisted way, the only manner in which Jim could ever hope to embody him well enough. If he can't be like Curly, perhaps he can become Curly by consuming his very essence. And this is also why he "shares" him with the rest of the crew - severing a part of him, this unattainable symbol of authority, and feeding it to his fellow workers is a way to equalize them all, to seize power from him, and absolve Curly's sin of being above them on the ladder. And now that Curly is down at their level, maybe even lower, Jimmy is willing to share this power with Curly too by force feeding him a piece of himself - the "forgiveness" he talks about on his speech.